If You Won’t Vote For Me

I am officially running for a seat in Singapore’s Parliament. This is my campaign speech:

Hello, my name is Lhu Wen Kai, and I am running for a place in Parliament as an independent candidate. Please, don’t click away from this video. All I ask for you is to give me a few minutes of your time to convince you that I am the right person to speak up for your needs and issues.

So what does Singapore mean to me? Singapore is a country where cardboard collectors treat the collection of cardboards as a form of exercise. It is also a country where, well, everybody has a car. In fact, me and my girlfriend, we have two. We are both professionals, we need to travel. Am I happy living in this country? Of course. If my father hadn’t taken the boat to Singapore, I could be a Chinese national today. Heng ah. If we hadn’t separated in 1965, you and I would be Malaysian right now.

Heng ah.

Regardless of race, language or religion, Singaporeans have been living harmoniously together for a long time now. I’ve been hearing a lot of accusations about how people like us discriminate against the minority races in Singapore. That is nothing more than a baseless accusation no no no. I love the Indians. I love Indian food. I love their Nasi Lemak, I love their Mee Rebus, I love their Nasi Goreng. But things need to change. One evening, I drove to Little India and it was pitch dark but not because there was no light, but because there were too many Indians around. Congregations of such high density are walking time-bombs and public disorder incidents waiting to happen. To prevent that from happening, communal areas in Little India, such as playgrounds and void decks, need to be fenced-off from foreign workers.

While Singaporeans do not criticise their parents’ imperfections, when it comes to the Government, they freely criticise it for its slightest mistakes. For me, 6.9 million is not a target, it is not a stretched scenario (arms out like Sim Ann). We have to restrain ourselves in a very disciplined way, in order to ensure, that we keep within this….. (laughter soundtrack)… I don’t think I made a joke unwittingly. I will manage immigration to make sure Singapore doesn’t become too crowded. But you have to understand this. A Singaporeans-first policy will not benefit the economy in the long term. So what if there’s increased and unfair competition between locals and foreigners? Retrenchment is good for Singapore. If there are no retrenchments, then I worry. If I am elected, I ensure a smooth entry for new citizens into our humble city-state. Yes, I am fully aware that they don’t have to serve NS to attain their citizenship, but the contributions of National Servicemen cannot be measured in dollars and cents. Nation Service should be a privilege that belongs to Singaporeans.

I promise to walk the ground and listen attentively to your needs. I suppose it’s good to get the feel from the ground every now and then, to connect with the peasantry. But if you need some kind of financial assistance, get out of my elite uncaring face. A smaller Medisave means you’re lazy and work less. Sell your HDB or rent it if you are poor. The HDB is not a bank. How much do you want anyway? Do you want 3 meals in a hawker centre, food court, or restaurant? If you can’t afford chicken, eat fish.

My potential salary will be too high? I didn’t ask for it. That was the rate for the job, and that’s what I will accept if I’m elected. You don’t like the rate, I can’t help it. As a matter of fact, I feel that if we don’t increase the ministers’ pay by 60%, the government system will slowly crumble and collapse. Only rich or corrupt people will work for free. I can assure you, it’s not for the money because some of the 11 companies where I’m the director pay me as little as $10,000 a year. But every month, when I receive my CPF statement, I feel so rich and the best part is, I know the CPF money won’t run away. But CPF is not your money and you cannot call all the shots. We are same-same, but different.

I would not believe that transparency is everything. Yes, I am not perfect. Yes, I occasionally make mistakes. Yes, in Japan, the CEO and board of directors will call a press conference and take a deep bow, and in the good old days, they may even commit hara-kiri. But instead of naming the individuals and developing a blame culture, we need to encourage a learning culture. People’s pain and regret is punishment enough.

Now in this election, my rival is simply not up to standard. The impression he gives me is that he’s (a gangster. He’s a gangster). Mr Goh Chok Tong was the prime minister at that time and he shouted at Mr Goh Chok Tong, I was shocked at a new candidate standing for election, to see a candidate behaving in that manner. He says he wants to be a full-time MP. As far as I know he’s not held a full-time job for a long time. All he does is write books, complain to Huffington Post, chut pattern, pattern duo guo badminton and presenting himself as a new man – reinvented – and yet, unchanged, and unregretful and unrepentant. What’s going to happen? He’s going to swallow up Bukit Buttock? For what purpose? To serve the residents of Bukit Buttock? Or is Bukit Buttock delicious because he wants to add it to the pot? And help the town council with the deficit?

Look, its not the government’s job to love Singaporeans. Because people from less developed countries don’t know what life is, they’re quite happy. They wake up, they brush their teeth, then they’ll farm, and then they’ll sleep. But do you want it that way? This is not Burger King, you can’t always have it your way. Nor is this a song by the Backstreet Boys. We decide what is right. Never mind what the people think. Without a natural aristocracy, society will lose out. Gang rape, after all, is democracy in action. Bukit Buttock residents, I hope you give me the opportunity to be your Member and voice in Parliament. I believe I have the right skills, values and qualifications. I also believe I have the relevant job experience. Most importantly, I believe I have the character and integrity. Heck, I even have a full-time job! Together, let’s make Bukit Buttock great again, with you, for you, for Singapore!

And before I go, I want you to think about this. Think about all that I’ve just said, and think carefully about what I’m going to ask you now.

Will you vote for someone like me?

If you won’t vote for me,

Why will you vote for the PAP?

Follow me on Facebook & Instagram!  (not part of the speech)

Why we should stop telling people they’re beautiful when they’re not. Read my latest politically-incorrect commentary, No, You’re Not Beautiful, by clicking here.

If you enjoyed the video above, I think you’ll enjoy my other one: To The Rich Kid Who Complained About Me

For any advertising, photography/videography/graphic design assignments, sponsorships, or enquiries, please get in touch with me at collab@lhuwenkai.com

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